Last year, about this time, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. After months of stomach problems, I had a CT scan, which revealed a small tumor on my left kidney. I wrote about it last June, just before my biopsy: I had surgery in September to remove the tumor, along with about 1/3 of my kidney. The recovery process was long and painful and I wrote about it here:
I am so sorry you have to go through this, and I wish I had better, more helpful words. But I agree that writing is an act of hope (and often, bravery), and I send you good writing wishes. Write on.
I wish you the strength to endure. My sister died suddenly from a hemorrhage after a ten+ year ordeal with oral cancer, which involved multiple disfiguring surgeries and other torturous interventions. A couple of months before her death, she adopted a tiny dog because she needed something outside herself to care about. The dog had a fatal seizure soon after she adopted it, she was heartbroken, then she herself died with equally baffling suddenness. I hated the universe bitterly for a long time after that. I mean, it consumed me. That is just piling on, I thought. I once asked her if she ever wanted to ask "why me," and she said "why not me?" I'm almost 60, have lifelong anxiety and hypochondria and bouts of helpless rumination and often warn myself that I'd better cultivate a more accepting, philosophical attitude toward the vicissitudes of life and death or I'm going to be in a world of trouble.
Just peeked in on Twitter after a long absence to see this link... Man, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having a partner with a cancer diagnosis and knowing the roller coaster that this brings... it fuckin sucks, but you're right that there is hope and there is much untravelled road ahead. I'm thinking of you & your family & I'm keeping that hope burning bright right alongside you.
Paul, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope you keep writing and finding the strength and rest and hope you need to walk the path before you. Take good care of yourself.
I'm trying to imagine the response I would need most in your situation. Certainly the good wishes--they improve the energy for a fight. Definitely, as Sarah says, acknowledging the fuckery of it all. But they aren't satisfying enough for us to write or you to hear. They fall painfully short. Then I realized...you're a writer, and it's the gift of words that we want to target at you with the precision of the scalpel that surgeon uses. We wish you the comfort of the ability to write away whatever this is going to cost you, to find the courage in your past words to move forward with the knowledge that you can do this because you already have. And to say thank you for doing what writers do best...for sharing the deepest emotions both difficult and mundane because it's right there, even as strangers, we all come together. I wish you the ability to rail against the fuckery and the chance to celebrate the announcement that you're past it in a few months.
Oh Paul, this is terrible news. I'm so sorry. Just know that so many of us are pulling for you as you gear up for another round of treatment. I'm with you. Writing is an act of hope. And rebellion. Take good care, friend.
Oh, Paul! I'm so sorry there is another tumor and so another set of horrid days. Refuah shlema but also fuck the fucking fuckery of this happening at all.
I’m a fairly new subscriber and I’m sad to hear about your battle with cancer. I truly wish you all the strength in this world as you fight this battle.
I pray you fully recover and are able to live a life filled with writing and happiness. All the best.
Damn. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m sending good thoughts your way. Keep us posted. Keep writing.
Thanks for reading, and the kind words <3
Such a damned hard season, Paul. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Im so sorry to hear this. Keep writing keep hoping. Will be praying for your fight. 💪
I am so sorry you have to go through this, and I wish I had better, more helpful words. But I agree that writing is an act of hope (and often, bravery), and I send you good writing wishes. Write on.
I don't know you Paul, but I feel your words and I made a place for you in my heart and prayers. Hugs from NY
I wish you the strength to endure. My sister died suddenly from a hemorrhage after a ten+ year ordeal with oral cancer, which involved multiple disfiguring surgeries and other torturous interventions. A couple of months before her death, she adopted a tiny dog because she needed something outside herself to care about. The dog had a fatal seizure soon after she adopted it, she was heartbroken, then she herself died with equally baffling suddenness. I hated the universe bitterly for a long time after that. I mean, it consumed me. That is just piling on, I thought. I once asked her if she ever wanted to ask "why me," and she said "why not me?" I'm almost 60, have lifelong anxiety and hypochondria and bouts of helpless rumination and often warn myself that I'd better cultivate a more accepting, philosophical attitude toward the vicissitudes of life and death or I'm going to be in a world of trouble.
I'm so sorry to hear this, Guv. Looking forward to giving you a big hug when you come to Greensboro next month. You're still coming, right?
yessir, with bells on.
Just peeked in on Twitter after a long absence to see this link... Man, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having a partner with a cancer diagnosis and knowing the roller coaster that this brings... it fuckin sucks, but you're right that there is hope and there is much untravelled road ahead. I'm thinking of you & your family & I'm keeping that hope burning bright right alongside you.
Paul, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I hope you keep writing and finding the strength and rest and hope you need to walk the path before you. Take good care of yourself.
You can do it. You've done it once before.
I’m sorry Paul! With you here on this journey.
I'm trying to imagine the response I would need most in your situation. Certainly the good wishes--they improve the energy for a fight. Definitely, as Sarah says, acknowledging the fuckery of it all. But they aren't satisfying enough for us to write or you to hear. They fall painfully short. Then I realized...you're a writer, and it's the gift of words that we want to target at you with the precision of the scalpel that surgeon uses. We wish you the comfort of the ability to write away whatever this is going to cost you, to find the courage in your past words to move forward with the knowledge that you can do this because you already have. And to say thank you for doing what writers do best...for sharing the deepest emotions both difficult and mundane because it's right there, even as strangers, we all come together. I wish you the ability to rail against the fuckery and the chance to celebrate the announcement that you're past it in a few months.
Oh Paul, this is terrible news. I'm so sorry. Just know that so many of us are pulling for you as you gear up for another round of treatment. I'm with you. Writing is an act of hope. And rebellion. Take good care, friend.
“Sorry” doesn’t convey what I feel hearing this news. Fuck cancer.
Oh, Paul! I'm so sorry there is another tumor and so another set of horrid days. Refuah shlema but also fuck the fucking fuckery of this happening at all.
"Refuah shlema but also fuck the fucking fuckery" is just perfect <3
I’m a fairly new subscriber and I’m sad to hear about your battle with cancer. I truly wish you all the strength in this world as you fight this battle.
I pray you fully recover and are able to live a life filled with writing and happiness. All the best.